i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
