I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
