Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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