i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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