Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
