last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
