help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
