mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
