he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
