So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
