I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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