Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
