Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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