She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
