He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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