life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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