Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
