Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
