Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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