Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
