Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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