Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
