Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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