hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There are leaves in my underwear?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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