three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
