i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
