does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
