don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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