So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
