your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
