Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
