Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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