Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
