fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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