bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
