My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
