I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
