What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize