you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
