You're so nebulous sometimes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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