just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
