Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
