I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
