We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
