The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
