i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize