She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
