I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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