My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
