you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
