What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
