Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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