i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
