Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
one might say we're banned from that church
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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