I wish I only lived at night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is classic penis vs brain.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
