god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
