The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
