It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This baby is an asshole
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
