sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
