:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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