i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
