This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
