Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
