Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
